can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
