worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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