Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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