I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
