hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
