Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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