I could make wine with my vomit
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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