I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
