He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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