That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
