omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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