sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We don't watch enough power rangers
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
