i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
