Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
