I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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