Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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