I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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