i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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