I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
