Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
