Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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