Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
