Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
