apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
