So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
