Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
