Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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