ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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