he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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