My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
