i already hear my dad disowning me
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I stole a fireplace last night.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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