He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
