and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
