He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
