quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
