I just made out with a guy for $7.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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