3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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