PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
