my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
