Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
