So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
