Got a toothbrush?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
