i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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