Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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