some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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