i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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