I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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