you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
