apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
