Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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