So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
